I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
