I'm jealous of your bromance
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
