My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
