Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
