did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
