Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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