JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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