i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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