Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so let's talk penis.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
