i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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