I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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