just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
