just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
