Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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