Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
40s are totally the cure
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
