i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
