The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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