I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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