your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
