WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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