I could make wine with my vomit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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