I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I currently don't understand fingers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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