Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
