Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
