btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
