Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
