I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
