i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
