i wish my penis had a tongue
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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