If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
