I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
