Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
