I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
