the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
