I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
