her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
