i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
