How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
