dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
