they need to just BURY HIM!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
