There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
