So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
