Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
