Barsexuality is the new black.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
