Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
