Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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