if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
