Can i not drive my cunt home
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
