Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
