It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
