Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
